May 6th, 2010

i am here

i'm so stressed out

i've already taken a second xanax today and it's just 12:30.

my irrational fears include:
M moving out suddenly
eviction at any moment
having to take the cats to a shelter
doc getting fired
doc's new schedule

the last one is particularly vexing. it will mean that doc and i will only see each other a couple of hours a day and i'm afraid it will drive us apart. he says i'm reading way way too much into it and that he will be off an extra day each week and i will be asleep through most of his shift. to look at it that way. that made me feel somewhat better, but i still woke up in tears this morning.

all of these fears are completely irrational. they haunt me, just the same. they whir around my head from the moment i wake up. often my brain will fight back with some commercial jingle i know only half the words to and when that drives me crazy enough, i get up and turned on charmed. lots of fun breasts and very little plot that doesn't need to be followed to be watched. that distracts me.