November 28th, 2009

frances farmer

"who can say?"

leeloo is giving me the eye, i think she wants pets. she needs brushing. petting her gets you a handful of fur.

i've started a hundred entries and deleted each one halfway through. i've got nothing going on in my head. i feel stressed out most of the time. i've been taking klonopin regularly instead of just when i'm freaking out because i'm always on the edge of freaking out. and i can't say why. i have no idea, i feel like the sky is going to fall on me at any minute. but where will the moon land?

thanksgiving was just another day. we didn't make dinner or anything. i got up too late to see all but the very end of the macy's parade. i made blueberry muffins and bacon in the afternoon. i didn't feel like doing it in the morning. mornings are rough for me.

again i am to the point where i have nothing left to say. i guess i could get into it, but i don't want to be a bummer. my happy meds are supposed to keep these feelings from coming up and dominating me. i'm drowning. and no one can pull me out. i'm just drowning slowly and without hypothermia and will continue to, i guess.