May 22nd, 2009

hoodie

day 31

see, while all that bruhaha was going on with my parents, i passed the 30 day mark. tomorrow i go and get my second 30 day tag. fuck yeah! i'm going to make it to 90 this time and beyond. i'm so stoked, i made it thirty days without even trying. i'll admitt that on my birthday i wanted to use, but i didn't, i read my books and kept it together.

i told doc about talking to my dad in the hospital. we had a long talk. he wanted a good reason, and the best was that maybe now they would appreciate me. when i was growing up they adopted a parcel of kids and i was relegated to the position of baby sitter, they didn't love or appreciate me, that and i wanted a family. doc was livid and he talked to me for a long time. he didn't mind me talking to my mom and even going out to lunch with her, after my dad died. that was a condition i was unhappy with.

so i'll do what i do. and maybe not tell him. he seems to be begging me to lie to him. which i can't do. i'm all conflicted. my solution is to concentrate on me. get a sponsor this weekend, R raised her hand when T asked about sponsors and i feel a connection with her, so if she is still willing, i'm going for it. i could have used someone this week to talk to and i've put off getting a sponsor for a long time. too long. and my parents have no part in my recovery, so concentrating on me and my recovery will keep me out of trouble.