May 12th, 2009

frances farmer

so weirded out

my mom sounded so mellow. like the past ten years have softened her some. i told her at the end that i loved her, she returned it. i put myself out there saying it. i told her i was sorry for the way things ended, and she said it wasn't the end, just a pause. we talked a lot about kelly leaving and the finding of tripper.

doc doesn't want to hear about it. and i don't care. i wanted my mommy. at the meeting saturday, a lot of people talked about having lost their mothers and how hard mother's day was going to be. and between that and nana's comments, i missed my mommy.

she's letting me in on my own terms. i can call her, or not. i'd like to talk to her about my recovery with her, but i don't know if she'd be into it.

she told me that dad's and algebra teacher now. sounds like he got some schooling over the past ten years.

i guess i've mellowed, too.

mom told me some things about tripper's boyfriend that got me really concerned about her safety. even the repo man can't find her or her car. my mom said they had people looking for her. online they are running about a year and a half behind her. i had thought she was more sophisticated than mom seems to think she is.

doc is afraid i'll get sucked into the drama. brat number one won't leave the house, and i won't go there while he's there. quite frankly, he scares me. and i'm pretty sure he's still on drugs and i don't want to be around that. that's the drama, and i want no part of it.

on my own terms, i got my mom back.