April 19th, 2009

2013, cyd, new

there is no fuking point

not only am i tired of taking my meds, and being told i'm just getting fucked up all day, i no longer see the point of quitting pot. i'm sick of it. walking 4 miles to the one meeting a week. M doesn't see the point of meetings so he won't take me to them.we've studied the bus routes, doc and i and it's a four mile walk and at least an hour bus ride to get to any other meeting. i don't have a sponsor, i don't looke to see a sponsor any time soon and i'm just tired of it. all the pills i have to take, doing household chores and being told i'm doing nothing but getting rocked all day or waiting to get rocked with my next dose of medication. always having to worry about having this medication or that one available. i forgot to take it yesterday and i was fine. can i have a pill free life for a while? i'll take the lortab at the same quarter of a dose the dentist perscribed for me and hope to hell we have the cash for my teeth on wednesday.

i'm also sick of every little thing being blamed on the meds, like my balance problems, and my twisting my ankle. i fucking told doc that there is a pattern and my surgeon explained to me, once it gets hurt badly, even small twists will become big deals. but i'm on medication, so how would i know? that's how he thinks.