December 23rd, 2008

2013, cyd, new

ramble ending with rarr, but starting out pretty mellow

M has gone home for the holidays and that's really cool but i am freaking out knowing he's not coming home and doc won't be home until late because of his work schedule. i keep going in and lying down and then getting up a few minutes later and coming in here to watch tv. back and forth and back and forth. throw in some general pacing and i am off the rails.

i fucked up yesterday. doc sent me to walmart with his debit card to get pet supplies. while i was there, i found a cool dickies coat and doc is in need of a coat. they only had a couple in his size and i didn't want to lose the opportunity to get it, figuring i could always take it back if he didn't like it. he asked me how much i went over the thirty dollars and i told him double that. the coat was only thirty. he flipped the fuck out on me. ignoring that i could take it back, which i guess i'll do. so then all night he wasn't speaking to me and this morning i just stayed in bed while he got ready to go to work. then he called and was completely nice. i hate the drama. he's getting as crazy as i am and maybe it is time we just split up. i can go back to pittsburgh and get a place with kelli.

why can't i slow down? i put tinsel (the kind you hang on the tree piece by piece) on the tree and yesterday i added a couple dozen ball ornaments. i've only broken one so far this year. aside from the lights, it's an old fashioned decorated tree. from outside it looks like a full tall tree.

i'm sitting here staring at the tree, trying to find some peace, but then i look at the clock and see how many hours stretch in front of me.

changing the subject, we're doing cookies on christmas day. that will be nice if we can stop fighting for a few hours.

oh, the Harry and David's fairy stopped by my house. the fresh fruit is always welcome and the goodies enjoyed. thank you.

i made home made mac and cheese last night for M and we ended up eating all of it. no worries, though, i still have half a pan of pizza hut mac and cheese. not that it compares to my home made stuff, but it's still mac and cheese. now that's gone. yum.

we have to figure out what to do for xmas dinner. maybe french toast, doc makes amazing french toast.

rarr, just rarr.
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2013, cyd, new

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i'm not alone in my freakout any more. tech has joined me in waiting for M. if he were here, we'd be watching some cool movie. and waiting for wrestling to start.

right now i am making myself feel better with a fresh pot of coffee and wandering around the apartment in my shirt and panties. i realized after my hot bath that i don't need to put pants on.

i took some nyquil, but it isn't making me sleepy. not sleepy enough to keep me from fidgeting and restlessly wandering the apartment.

i really had no idea how much i would miss M in the evenings.

this is a banner day. i think i can't wait for xmas. i don't know. doc and i just fight in the house when he's home. i want that to stop.