December 16th, 2008

2013, cyd, new

not so much sunny as mildly overcast

will there be rain today? looking at the clouds, i'd say not before sun down. sundown. whatever. i used to be smart. 8 years of drugs that do something for me and take away other stuff. like my memory. though the ECT didn't help. i'm really mad at myself for getting it done.

i've decided to start ignoring doc when he's mad at me. i'll never do it, but i made the decision and that's half the battle. i'm tired of him saying i'm a child. i'm so much better than 6 months ago.

sometimes i want to go off all my meds and see what that leaves us with. i won't do it. but i still wonder.

i've done nothing to find a new doctor. and i need to find cab fare from my doctor's new office. M can drop me off, i have to find my own way home and it's more than my 2 bus maximum. and i need doc's cell phone so i can keep updating the order for a cab every 20 minutes.

why do things always change?