March 31st, 2008

doesn't comprehend

(no subject)

i woke up early this morning. that meant that the night meds side effects blended seamlessly into the morning meds buzz. i really don't know why i would need another drug. no street drug compares to this high. and it's just a side effect of keeping me calm and non-psychotic. i've come to terms that it's going to be like this for a long time, i need to figure out how to work while i feel this way. certainly everything should be written down because i won't remember this later.

amazing that this is legal. and this is what is helping me. i start with a therapist on wednesday. i'm already gearing up for the trip. outside alone like this seems really stupid. but it must be done. it's time i took responsibility for a few things, at the top of the list is taking care of my healing. i would never have thought i'd be interested in NA meetings, that's just not my style. but maybe my style needs to change.

the book i'm reading that i mentioned in a previous post has already taught me that who i am now is not who i will be tomorrow and the trick is knowing when your persona isn't working any more and it's time to reinvent oneself. that, to me, is the soundest advice i've gotten from any book i can remember.