March 26th, 2007

2013, cyd, new

"if i lie, smack me dead, stick a lobster on my head"

i woke up to the end of battlestar galactica last night, to the tune of "all along the watchtower". i was confused. so i watched the replay and damned if the people were quoting this "earth" song. from my angle, BSG jumped the shark and didn''t even get its leather jacket wet. and we have nearly a year until we know if that was the case.

i'm so disillusioned with TV. i spend a lot of time watching my farscape DVDs.

having doc home all the time is wearing on me. neither of us are getting any alone time. unless you count when i stay up until 4 like last night. i got two hours of alone time. right now i'm faking it. i'm on the computer with headphones on. the most isolated i can get. hopefully he is going out today and i can have some well lit alone time.

i've been feeling the pull of my arts and crafts supplies lately, but i can't decide what to do with what. collages are messy, i need room to spread all the stuff out, and i don't have that room. perhaps i should work on that. clear a place on my bedroom floor that i can spread my materials out on.

i've been thinking about the pieces of me that i've left laying around and wanting to gather them up and put them back together. i feel kind of hollow that way. like things are missing and i'm the one that let them go. not intentionally, i just let them fall away out of apathy. i gave up after my last trip to the hospital. i just stopped caring about a lot of stuff, my podcast, my ebay store, photography, everything creative that took some effort, i just gave up on. and then i gave up on myself.

and i have people to look up to. people who deal with much more and still keep themselves intact, more or less. what will it take to pull me out of just exsisting day to day. what will make me live again?
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