we got a sympathy/condolence card in the mail from the vet. it was hand written and beautiful. it said "at least we know we did all we could". it started a new round of crying. we will keep this vet. i adore him.
we just signed a lease renewal. so much was different. we have to pay each month for the cats now. that was an unpleasant reality. doc said on his way to the car, "okay, i'm ready to not live here anymore". we really need to find a new place to live. in a few months we can start looking for an alternate habitat.
meanwhile i get a free carpet cleaning. i have to figure out what i'm going to do with the furniture and have the living room and kelli's room done. i just have to let the office know about it a couple days in advance. once i figure out the furniture thing, i'll schedule it. it will be nice to have clean carpet in the living room. it was fried when we got here and we haven't done much for it. we've been here for five years. wear and tear, you know.
on the 7th doc got up early to finish cleaning out kelli's room. this was the room we were keeping henry in, so he was in there with doc, getting underfoot and being a better kitty.
when i got up i fed him and he threw up and i fed him again.
i noticed that he was laying differently and picked him up. he was completely limp. i hugged him and held him and asked him to not die.
i lay him on the couch next to me and cuddled with him. at one point i came over to the computer and heard a crash and a thump, i went over to the couch and henry was on the floor. i assumed he had fallen off the couch. i put him back on it and sat with him. i put him on the floor as i posted in here and got another feeding ready for him.
i fed him with no fight and no puking or choking and figured things were good.
all through this i didn't yet think he would actually die.
then henry tried to jump off the couch. his legs went out from under him and he landed on his face. i picked him up and cuddled him and started to cry. this was the point i knew i was going to lose him.
i lay him on the floor to avoid any more face plants and he just lay there. he would try to get up occasionally and his legs would just collapse and bring him down.
kelli got here early and henry was laying on the floor. we cuddled and kissed him.
while we were talking, i noticed henry was having problems breathing and his tongue was sticking out a little. my heart sank. i picked him up and held him. his breathing got sketchier by the minute and i called doc out from the bedroom, i knew henry was leaving us.
i just held him and petted him as he passed in my arms.
okay, doc had to finish the last five words of the last entry. i was almost through it without breaking down, but the end of it . . .
anyway. doc said, "we will write it down to get it out, but we will never forget him". and of course we won't. i already have pictures in mind to frame.
i always said i had no favorite, but now that he is gone, i realize how much more a part of my life he was than the other cats. chloe is affectionate and in your face, but she is still distant. they all are. distant, that is. i never realized it so completely.
so now i have written it and shared it and posted it and wept over it.
maybe cats reincarnate. maybe we will find by accident the soul of henry in another cat. maybe. later. much later. it will happen when the time is right.
meantime, time to retrain the others so they are less standoffish. make them my favorites. especially leeloo, she has such capacity for love, and yet is so cold most of the time.