October 16th, 2006

2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

last night the main candle we were burning for henry was about to go out. i was too supersticious to let it go out by itself, so i put it out after lighting another one. i've been scared ever since that i somehow snuffed out henry's life when i snuffed out the candle. but the vet hasn't called with bad news, so i'm guessing he's all right.

so, he's coming home today.

i'm up early as part of my schedule changing plan so i can feed him in the morning instead of making him wait until we get up at 11. i want him as close to the vet schedule as possible so there isn't disruption.

i'm very nervous about him coming home. i know i'll be able to care for him, i'm just nervous about it. what if i fail. that kind of stuff.

time to put that out of my mind and move some stuff around.

we still haven't decided which part of the apartment we are going to keep him in. i still cheer for the living room. fewer places for him to hide, so he'll be more likely to use the bed we are making him.
2013, cyd, new

if you've had enough of the cats, skip this

do the cats think henry isn't coming back? chloe and jack are playing together. last night jack was continuing to nuzzle up to leeloo and attempting to groom her as he did henry. they are bonding in different ways, along different lines. jack has also been recognizing leeloo as alpha while henry has been gone. it has been strange.

of course we have been watching them more closely and loving and cuddling them extra since this whole henry sick thing started. that will continue forever, i think. this has taught us a valuable lesson about keeping an eye on their every habit. and if they are sick, check their ears. his inner ears were so yellow at the vet. it was like his ears had been painted in bad parent accusations. i checked his gums and eyes, but not his ears. and nothing i read before he went to the vet suggested it. but how could i not have noticed? so that was our trauma, and we're dealing with it, just as henry is coming through his trauma. and it was all balled up together. but whatever guilt we feel, we have to put it aside, learn from this, and help the boy get better while taking closer care of the others.

we've never been neglegent, but we've had accidents and episodes like this and you can't help blame yourself, especially when the animal is in the care of others and you literally have nothing to do but wait and fill your brain with something.

in happier tones (i won't speak of the guilt again), leeloo just kicked jack's butt. and she is still growling as he takes refuge on the rocking chair she won't jump up on. my babies are playing together.

i need to go check for injuries (jack is still fully clawed and doesn't realize it) and scoop the litter boxes. i've rambled long enough for now.
2013, cyd, new

the vet called

henry is getting a feeding tube put in. as you read this. the vet said he wasn't being aggressive, but he was throwing up from the stress of the force feeding and the vet was worried that he might get worse if he sent henry home. the vet also said they had another cat in the hospital with the same problem and they put a tube in and the cat was doing wonderfully. which i guess was not a prognosis set for a force fed henry. so i woke doc up, because there was no way i was making that decision on my own, and relayed all the vet had said and conferred over the answer. feeding tube. hands down.

and! and we'll still be able to bring him home today.

i really love this vet and will recommend him to anyone. he is informative, not at all condescending, caring, and in tune with the cat's psychological state.

in other news:

paypal and i are in an argument. an automated one. i have money in my paypal account but i'm no longer "verified" because i no longer have a bank account or credit card in my name. and i need more documentation to change my name than i need for social security. and i just learned that i can't pay ebay auctions using paypal without being "verified". okay. i went to buy a "lawrence of arabia" disk because i found it for under $10 shipped and it would really cheer doc up. not the most responsible use of $10, i freely admitt, but i had my motives. so i go all through the pay with paypal process and end the auction, and then find out i can't pay with paypal. so now instead of an under the radar surprise for doc, i have to ask him to write a check for it and the wrath will come down on my head. fuck fuck fuck. that is what i get. i have enough in my paypal account, jewelry has been selling recently, and so have the books. that money is mad money or money for paying my webhost and ebay fees. the extra money from kam316's paintings is emergency money for henry's bill. the $10 would not have been missed. and doc would have been grumpy about it but would have gotten over it. now he's going to be really angry. fuck. and how do i work this out with paypal? i guess i have to get a bank account of my own once i get ID, but that won't be for a few months. fuck.
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

okay, i'm over the shock now. no i'm not. but it's only an hour until henry and his feeding tube of what better be solid gold come home. the vet will teach doc how to use the tube. i've been reading up on it. even found some pictures, but decided against showing them to the ball of rage and worry that is doc right now.

and even in waking him up for the feeding tube decision, i still fucked up because he's been grilling me and the vet all day. i can't wait until this is over and henry is better. he has a much better chance for recovery with the feeding tube in. that is all i care about, ultimately.
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

henry sporting a fashionable tshirt bandage, post op, after feeding tube insertion. you can see where it is stitched to his shaved neck. he is one grumpy kitty.

when we finally let him off the couch and onto the floor, leeloo attacked him viciously. i don't know what we're going to do about that.

we only have (HA) $776 to pay off his bill. what's a few more weeks without money? nothing. not compared to having my baby boy back.

i have to go hug him now before doc beds him down for the night in his room.