September 17th, 2006

2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

what media player do you use?

i use windows media right now and i'm looking to change. so i'm looking for recommendations.

thanks. =}
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

i just cleaned out my inbox. it was a mess, i lost an ebay sale in it somewhere. got that taken care of and packaged up for mailing tomorrow. i need to pay more attention.

today is get rid of piles day. all the stacks of paper and CDs and collages are to be put away today. i can't work with this mess.

i also need to get a podcast done. i didn't have the opportunity yesterday and didn't record ahead like i said i would.

my podcast blog has gotten onto some lists, i'm getting spam comments like crazy and the hits have tripled or more. (ow, that sentence hurt) much coolness. and i don't mind the spam, i can delete it from my inbox.

time to find a poem.
2013, cyd, new


i revel at how he can make me cry without even trying
and my insistence that he go away is an invitation to stay
i can't hate him for long
by the time he gets back i will be calm i will be in control i will be a warrior with a stone face
i turn my head away because i won't cry in front of him
he turns away so that i don't have to
and it always seems this happens when he's leaving the house
i can't stand change
the change of him going out
the change of him coming home
the change of wakefulness after sleep even if the sleep was bad
and i don't cry because of our spat
i cry that i am so thrown off by the sight of him leaving
even if he will be back in an hour
i will spend that hour terrified that he won't come home
that something will happen to him that is tragic
i already know i wouldn't know how to deal
we've had a dry run of it when he had his 'accident'
i tried to take control then
i tried to be the one he could count on
i tried to be the organizer and the decision maker
i tried to fill his shoes while he was still in them
still i revel how he can make me cry without even trying
i'm amazed at how deep his words cut
and i know they are just words and should bounce right off of me
but they don't, they sink in and fester and quickly
and there are the tears so hot and fast
and i turn away from him and tell him to leave
the choice of the change of him leaving is mine now
and i feel a little better for it

i finally decided to write about doc. not all the time, but this has been going around in my head since yesterday when we argued.
2013, cyd, new


i didn't cry when you left
i didn't mourn you at all
i guess i always thought you'd come back to me
and time has shown what a fool i've been
and now i mourn the loss of you
the nights of drinking and sharing
the warm body in the bed next to me had more meaning
i miss your form and your laugh and your hair
i thought i was a given
i thought we were in love
and i suppose i was the one in love
but i couldn't protect you from the storms
and i never blamed you for closing the door
i wish i'd had one last kiss
something to hold over the years
as i realize that you are gone
and you are not coming back any time soon
so i should stop waiting to hear your car
and the knock at the door isn't going to come
so i can turn the stereo up as loud as i want
i didn't try to take you for granted
i never wanted you to feel more needed than wanted
i just didn't pay enough attention and i was so wrong
and i wonder if you know it wasn't what i meant
i cry over the image of you laughing in my head
i finally started to let it go
only a year after it went down
i don't know what to expect now
i don't know how i'm going to move on
i will compare every woman to you
and i will see you in passing in the shadows
and it will distract me
and maybe i should have told you then
told you that you meant worlds to me
that you were the only thing that made me smile
back then when things were rough
you could always make me laugh and feel safe
and there was so much i didn't give you
and so many things we should have talked about
i have to leave those regrets behind
and learn my lesson for the next time
because there is always a next time
even though you broke my heart
we all know i will try again to find love

so it's not always going to be about doc. pink inspires me. she says it so well and i take pieces and try to say them a different way. same as i've done with a list of bands and artists. i don't know what it is about her new CD that resonates so much with me, but it does.

frankly, anything that makes me write is good in my book.
  • Current Music
    Pink - Who Knew
  • Tags
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

i looked at the wrong folder. in fact i have only 7 gigs of music. i spent a good part of today adding to that stuff from my CDs.

S is over with treats. he's up getting the board games he saw. i hope they are good board games. something other than star wars monopoly for a while would be nice.

i had a bad piece of steak and good potatoes with cheese. the steak wasn't rotten bad, just full of gristle. ick. the part not full of gristle was damn good though.
  • Current Music
    Affordable Floors - Temptation