September 7th, 2006

2013, cyd, new

hey i'm up early

early for me, most of you have already been into your day for a while. that's what i get for being partly nocturnal.

so. i'm up. and i have a whole day ahead of me. the first couple of hours will be with doc. then when he leaves i need to figure out a project for me to do. maybe it will be cleaning my room finally. yes i am still putting that off. i don't know why. it isn't all that bad in there. there's just some boxes of stuff that need to be gone through.

i've been trying to get in touch with my own feelings and i've found that aside from the little stressors like the car, i feel pretty content. doc and i don't fight much anymore. we've got a schedule that we keep to. and though i know the next few months will bring upheaval and change, i'm ready for it. that doesn't mean i'm not afraid a little, but only a little.

my doctor started this new thing where we fill out a little survey and then rank our depression/anxiety/symptoms from one to ten, ten being best. i was at about a five the last time i went in. i was at about an 8 yesterday. and i haven't decided where i am today. it depends on if doc wakes up in a good mood. it takes my uppness away when he's grumpy in the morning. but i hear him talking to leeloo, so i think today will be an 8, as well.
2013, cyd, new

we're bad parents

doc picked up iams weight loss formula, just as his list said, but turns out it was dog food, not cat food. we were nearly through the bag when i figured it out. it explained the strange complaining we'd been getting from the cats. no outrageous behavior, just more attention to us around meal times and after meal times. there was actually a reduction in cat vomit. tonight they get cat food back. we suck. i know they are thinking it. they knew something was up. funny thing, though, hank and leeloo have both lost a bit of weight and become more active. so this time it's weight loss formula for cats. hank actually jumps up on things. aside from the occasional venture onto the couch, he used to be a floor-bound kitty. now he's jumping on the back of the couch and up in my lap and all sorts of places. but a month of dog food must have sucked for them. i can't imagine how different it tastes. dogs will eat anything, it could taste like crotch for all i know. not that i know what crotch tastes like. oh bother.
2013, cyd, new

2:20, hrmph

i'm glad we got the car fixed on the cheap and i'm glad that doc made his bonus cuz one of my teeth hurts. and just in case, it would be good to have a bit of cash for the dentist.

i don't feel like doing anything. and i don't feel like sleeping. so i turned the a/c down, it was 87 in here, no wonder i feel cranky and lethargic. even the cats are passed out. i didn't pay attention when i turned the a/c off this morning, oops.

i was debating whether to take my day meds yet or wait. i'm still debating. they make me stoned if i stay awake. and i'm really not liking that feeling lately. or i could go to sleep and get up after dark when i can run the washer and dryer.

it's my friday, which means people will be over, so i cleaned the living room of what little flotsam i had let build up there. i even washed the blanket we keep on the couch, it's a decorative sort, hippie style. the couch is black velvet, it sucks up cat fur. we clean the top cushions, where they sleep, once a week, if not more to get the fur off. especially if leeloo is up there a lot, since she's white.

well, i pissed away twenty minutes writing in here and getting up to do things. i think i'll sleep until sundown. then i can get more done and daytime TV just sucks.
2013, cyd, new

a refreshing nap

i think i'm going to beat doc to the punch and put myself in the shower myself. i shouldn't sleep in my camo pants. i guess i was too interested in keeping the cam off my bare white ass while i slept, so i left them on.

which brings me to body image. i was and am surprised that i am still losing weight after the hospital. the camo pants now hang a bit off me even when buttoned all the way up. and my bra is too big. i'm not getting happy about it until i can fit into a smaller size. but i'm a little happy about it.