July 19th, 2006

2013, cyd, new

i was looking at one of my gargoyles

and then i ran across this while building the new website. i think it got published in some magazine a couple of years back. and i really like my stuff that is descriptive.

What's In A Gargoyle?
You're just a phase I will outgrow once I get everything I want.
As my life and my mood brighten and my home bears more scrutiny
With life's cycle of experience, I'm sure the things around me
Will reflect that like a summer pond at dawn's awakening,
Shiny and sparkling and sincerely showing who I have become.
With opulence appropriate to where I am heading.
And you, gray gothic gargoyle, firm familiar, will be put away.
A comfort now next to me, you dangle your feet like the child you'll always be,
carved from stone, as you started,
Carved from stone you will stay; eyes forward, not faltering
One foot hooked across the other, thumb safely in mouth.
My own likeness carved from unchanging stone, an anchor in
The chaos that has been my life, loves, longings; my lessons.
A comfort since I opened the box sent parcel post, for what
Good reason, I don't recall, but there at my door with a label
In a hand I both recognized and recoiled from, the hand of the
Person who knew me the least, loved me the least,
Affected me the least; a distant woman I had known all my life.
The one they'd said was guaranteed to love me faithfully.
The one who let me down, let me drown, let me frown.
Another meaningless gift that has no more to do with
Me than the fleeting thought that prompted its purchase
During a loosening of the purse-strings.
So shocking the surprise that swept over me when
I saw the sweet face and the graceful curve of wings
That seemed to protect her body, bold eyes boring
Into my soul with a message from that foreign Woman
Who sent her to bring me a missive of elusive love.
A hint at what I had craved through the years;
A glimpse of the understanding, recognition, affection
I had longed for from my mother, the one who never told.
As I grow more firm in my own self knowledge, I need less and
Less affirmation from outside influences, incidents, inflections.
I will be able to distance myself from my objets d'art,
They will become mere ornaments, rather than all
Important, all too potent talisman's of my worth in the
Eyes of those around me friends and family who should tell me.
But how to explain to you the real reason, when the time comes,
You are just a phase I will outgrow once I get everything I want.
2013, cyd, new

alright then

i just spent five hours working on my new website. after three years of being undecided about color and stopped at the gate because of it, i went with black and white.

i did so much repetative stuff today. now that i have the format to work within things go much faster but i can only do so much so fast. today was mainly taking the huge file of poetry and breaking it down alphabetically and putting it into the template i've made. yeah, that ate a lot of time. but it is done and it looks great.

i then reformatted the thumbsucking page which was done a few designs ago. those were fun and i love dreamweaver. it is my favorite program right now.

then i got brainfry, i just sat and stared at the sitemap and couldn't go on. now i'm going to watch stupid TV for a while until my head unwinds.

i don't know what got into me to finally do the redesign on the site. then again i don't know what possessed me to write a book, either.

stupid TV, i wonder if i still have that buffy tape . . . that would really do the trick right now, even if the episodes have dawn in them. i hated dawn.