April 24th, 2006

2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

who the hell knows?
nobody, that's who.
there are degrees of functionality
i forget things i should know
i make comparisons
i know things i should forget
functional is not sitting on a ward
being catatonic, it is
cleaning a litter box
it is combing my hair
i lose my individuality
in the masses of the mad
until something triggers me
and then i reset
my mind spins with
images of the lunatics
and images of the sane
and where i fall in that pool
always trying to analyze

frell. and then it starts to get to literal and i lose the thread. at least i got this much down before it fizzled and left my head completely.

today: i take a shower. no matter what. i will get in and stay in until i am washed and i will do it by myself. that is all.
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

i talk about my illness a lot, but i have very little poetry about it. i think i can actually name the pieces i have about it or dealing with it.

which gave me the idea for my next book. and it gives me the project of writing more and the challenge of actually trying to articulate what i am feeling. i feel like a weight is gone, really. i wanted a topic, and i didn't want that topic to be angst, because that just seems covered. but madness is a one person thing. it's different with each writer and each patient. i can do something with this.