April 20th, 2006

2013, cyd, new

i think it's a mid life thing

i'm going to turn 37 in a month and i have no plans. meaning i didn't plan to get any further than that. i thought it would happen earlier, but always said 37 at the outside. i have no more plans. so i'm having some sort of identity crisis here.

i guess i just start making it up. ignore society as i did in my youth and do things as they come to me. fake it until it's real. that sort of thing. so what, the anger fades a bit and you get to a more, "so what?" point of view. but that doesn't mean i have to suddenly start to care about what people think about me.

maybe it is finally time where i am just even for a while. no big ups or downs, just a few years, hell, even one year of even would be nice. and maybe that is coming and part of me senses it and is freaking a little inside. whatever it is, it is at least occupying my time.