February 24th, 2006

2013, cyd, new

just in case you've been following along

my authorization for my lexapro was ignored by the doctor's office because of the billing problems. which go on off site. i've promised not to flip the fuck out on tuesday at my appointment. doc has sworn to work it out monday. out of my hands.

and i am quickly learning that when you cannot control one thing, and it is driving you batshit, you need to find something you can control. telling off the cats after a toy sneak attack was not the right way.

still nothing from R. out of my hands.

to be completely open, i'm putting off cleaning my room because i'm afraid once it is done i will have nothing to do, though part of me knows that is false. and the clean of the room is one thing i can control. see where this is heading?

my diet is going incredibly well. i'm shrinking in areas that surprise me, not the ones i would have shrink first. so that is interesting, little surprises in the mirror. like the first time on lamictal, i have no real desire to satiate negativeness with food. so that helps. a lot. i also have more of a desire to work out or go for walks and i know that is helping me in many ways.

the medication i've been denied is one i was supposed to wean myself off of anyway. so a few lightheaded days of withdrawl and i should be fine. if not, i'll be back in the office and i will be leaving with enough samples to cover their stupidity. we're still hoping they send doc's. i should check the website and see if it says anything. i do love our prescription company.
2013, cyd, new

the easiest bit is done

firstly, i found the contact numbers for the billing company. ooh, this is almost finished with.

then i cleaned out the front of my walk-in closet. the easiest part. consisting of mostly stuff i threw out and some more reciepts that i filed. there is a good chance that we'll be able to deduct our medical expenses this year.

then we have to get a lawyer because we've failed to file before.

my attention to details has been missed around here. mostly by me. i don't know how doc deals with things, he keeps it inside. but each little thing i can do to sort things out makes our whole lives just a little better. he had too much to deal with. i understand that. now. taking care of me and working one to two jobs and getting me to the doctor and taking care of the accounting and handling all the money.

i created this thing i see sometimes as a prison. and funny enough, i have the keys.

i was hoping to sleep until this time. i guess i'll keep on with the closet until i wear myself out with it and trips to the dumpster. i space them out because the stairs are murder on my aging knees and i whimper about it.

i'm so craving human interaction. someone come visit me. i'll make you laugh. i'll make you a margarita on the rocks.
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

you would be amazed at how quickly four years of fear washes down the drain. i just took my first solo shower, no one else home, no one to sit with me, in four years. washed my hair and everything.

i can't believe i did it, i'm that much closer to normal. or fuck normal, i'm that much more functional.

i'm wearing white panties in a karmic effort to induce my period. if it doesn't happen soon, i'm going to have to revaluate my belief (or lack of) in immaculate conception. maybe i did have it this month, early and just forgot about it. oy. kind of like lighting a cigarette is the magic that makes the waitress finally bring the food out.

and my closet is half way done. and so far i haven't made much of a mess of my room. i've been throwing out most of what i find. purses. i had so many purses. i don't carry a purse. i carry a messenger bag. so you know those had to go. it has been ten years, i can do without them.

on to doing my hair and folding laundry.
2013, cyd, new

jane cordova doe

i know some people have heard of the case of a toddler being found dead in a dumpster here in las vegas. they have now identified the girl and arrested her parents for her murder. i know this got national attention when it first happened a month ago.

there are other children involved who are now safe.
2013, cyd, new

these meds rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11nty1

i just went over to R's to see if everything was okay and it is! i'm so glad i didn't piss her off or some other wierd thing.

great timing, too, i've just gotten to the point with my closet that it is completely overwhelming me what to do next and i have three dumpster trips to make and could really use some down time. everything else i needed to do today is done and then some. waking up at 6 is really really strange.