December 20th, 2005

2013, cyd, new

not for nothing

i know it is hard for some people who ever see me as the strong, unkillable survivor to see the latest personal victories i've been crowing about. it is hard to actually face the evidence of just how far i had fallen. but that's okay. shit happens. i'll be stronger at the end of this and even more unstoppable.

to me, who has been on the side not lucky enough to see me primarily through memory, life is more intense and exciting as it has ever been, and i can finally see it getting better. i finally see a reason to live. i'm not sure what the reason specifically is, but something in me is driving me, saying "enough already". sure it's the meds helping, but i choose to take them and i ultimately choose to follow the urges to do things. so my life is very much in my own hands.

and well, yeah. just saying i understand and will be here when people can deal. =}
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

i went for my walk. i hit the post office to send off a bracelet that sold last night. then i went to the corner station to get smokes. then i went to the store and got zip loc big bags for my fabric scraps and soda. then i walked home.

i tell myself now that i won't work out today, that the walk with the soda bottles and keeping up with the beat on my CD player will be enough, but i'm sure as soon as i feel better i'll be on the floor making some group of muscles scream at me.

it is such a gorgeous day, the sun came out on my way up the street. my leather blazer was soon too much and i ended up carrying it most of the way.

my newest CD mix is great for walking and keeping it brisk. i've gotten to be a pro at hitting the crossing buttons with my knees. and i don't smoke on my walks. ever. i use all the air i can get.

i think i saw someone i know, and i didn't turn around and check and i may have missed a nice chance to bond with this person. but i was really in my own world and enjoying it.

i want to go down to the strip in the worst way. i want to go to ceasars and see the xmas stuff, maybe even take pictures of it. it has been a while since my last photo vegas tour. i wonder if R would want to go for a couple hours one night.

on another note, wow, people are really starting to come down on bush. good. i've been keeping up with dailykos and i'm not at all happy with my commander in cheif. though i didn't vote for him, he's mine and i hate him. i think his arrogance and attitude have gotten him into trouble. my fear is that it will be swept under the rug. what horrid disaster is going to distract us this time?
2013, cyd, new

music meme

List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre,
whether they have words, or even if they're any good, but they must be
songs you're really enjoying now. Post these instructions in your LJ
along with your seven songs. Then tag seven other people to see what
they're listening to.

1. man with the bag - brian setzer orchestra
2. honest mistake - the bravery
3. never let me down again - depeche mode
4. some one, somewhere - simple minds
5. coventry carol - alison moyet
6. do they know it's christmas - live aid
7. alegria - cirque du soliel

tag, you're it.
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

there still comes that moment of panic when i think, "oh shit i have to mail a thing". then i remember that i already mailed the thing, that is what the walk was about.

"Holiday Inn" is on AMC tonight, joy and rapture, i love that movie. crosby and astaire, fabulous!!
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

dammit, my rash had almost healed again and it is now back. i've come to learn this is a side effect of the lamictal. i'm going to have to see a doctor about it after the new year, if i go to a dermatologist, i know about 8 moles that are getting removed finally.

but yeah, itch in akward place. hard to air out the arm pit without arm cramps.