December 19th, 2005

2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

i got up at ten and went back to bed. i kept waking up all night. i've been up for a couple of hours. i feel off a bit, but i worked out and that helped ground me. man, i can do more and more every day. it takes twice as long, i'm doing double what i started with. same set of excersises i've picked up and liked the results from. i'd better start seeing results. i know there is a lot of fat to show the progress through, but i'm really hoping i lose some of the fat.

i'm quitting seroquel this weekend. i am convinced it is helping keep me fat. because this isn't the first time i've tried this in the last few months. this is the furthest i've gotten with it, but i don't eat much. i never have. frustrating. and a really boring thing to talk about. whatever happens, i feel stronger and that is worth it. i'd rather be strong than a stick.
2013, cyd, new


i love how everyone who moves in puts a million things on the wall. i can hear the pounding right after move in. i doubt any of them have walls covered with CDs or LPs like i do, but it is nice to know i'm not the only one violating the walls.
2013, cyd, new

why can't i stop yawning?

it makes my eyes run and my nose run and i'm a sloppy mess who looks like i've just been on a bender. *sniff*. doc is making me coffee. i think he's tired of hearing me snortle.
2013, cyd, new


i had a poem come to me today. it was angsty and invoked the beach at the shore, where doc's parents have a vacation home/beach shack.

i didn't put it down. it lingered long enough for me to, but i chose not to because i didn't know where the motivation would come from to finish it and i already have too many fragments scribbled on things and saved in various scattered files and on here. i didn't want another one.

it still lingers to a point. i'll listen to some music tomorrow and see if i can't find it again. i think it may be the grey of the days. but it's more like acting, pulling up memories to invoke a feeling that was more creatively profuse. i wonder if that makes it false.

speaking of memories, i seem to have much more control of what strolls through my mind. i can put thoughts out of my head one at a time or all at once again. even the buzz in my ears is decreased. no one knows how thankful i am for that.
2013, cyd, new

see now it's all nice and stuff

jack bounces from window to window
i watch him wish he could get out
he would show those gulls and toads
i'd like to see him run through the
tall grass and shallow water
i'd love to see my furry prankster bounce
catching firebugs in the twilight
against the bay and the sunset
his sillouhette black as his fur

thank goddess i've been going out by myself and plan to again tomorrow because i believe writing poetry about your cat lowers you to the last rung before the cat lady pit. if i weren't married, no one would. hee.