December 5th, 2005

2013, cyd, new

i made a list

i now have a daily schedule thing

so today i've brushed my teeth, taken my meds and worked out. my next task is to eat. then clean the house, since i didn't do it yesterday and working out gave me a good clue about the need to vacuum.

i'm hoping this list will help me with peace of mind about the small things. so far so good.
2013, cyd, new

nature v nurture

and i got all lost in the v
i won't put down all i'm thinking
i won't even be interested in that later
the events of the epiphany aren't important
the epiphany isn't even important
unless it changes something
i fall back on having knowledge i cannot use
that is an excuse not to improve
becoming a shittier person
and blaming it on something i have no control over
so it must not be my problem

i used to pride myself on breaking out of my genetics
i got here and i fell into putting everything off on my genetics
and using it as an excuse
i'm not going to berrate myself
i'm just going to recapture myself

i was willing to piss away my talent and dreams
because of who i came from
it doesn't matter who i came from
they aren't any part of me anymore
it matters who iam

it's time to stop blaming
2013, cyd, new

progress at last!!

i got rid of a big bag full of newly labeled crap. use it or ditch it. that's what i say, yep.

the result is an uncluttered bathroom counter and a newly dug out dresser. my closet is going to be a bitch. a true archaelogical dig. the stuff on the lowest level has been there, covered, for five years. hee. not. i'm ready to clean my life out. and i've started instead of getting intimidated by it and it feels so good, i'll keep going. just wait until i get to the cabinet and small closet in the bathroom. i want more shelves for towels and sheets, so a lot of old lotion is going out! also, all the makeup i have is expired long ago, get rid of it!!

and as i work to get thinner, the thin clothes will be washed and put away in storage bags. so when it is time it will be like a holiday, taking the clothes out. luckily i don't buy for fads, i buy for my style, when i can look good in it. so my clothes don't really expire. there will always be badly dressed over-aged punk chicks. i'll always be one of them. but the hippy era clothes? i've got to get rid of all but a couple of peasent skirts that look good with my rollins baby doll tshirts. putting them all away will break my heart, and motivate me even further.

and on that, i was amazed at how fast the time went by as i did the "limited" version of my first workout tape. it is ten minutes of stretching. i'll do that for a week and move up to the leg workouts, then buns, then arms. my abs i know how to work out, change it up every day, pay attention to your "core", yeah yeah yeah. plus getting to the point where i can do 100 situps and 100 pushups because if you have to do it to get into airborne, it must be good.

okay off to move chunky stuff out and get ready for a trip to the dumpster.
2013, cyd, new

another bloody post, it will be one of those days

more wanderings through garbage therapy . . .

another bag of crap! this time from the bathroom. i kept the lotion because doc has a big jar where he mixes the lotions i don't use and uses them himself. any thing that hasn't been on the bathroom counter in the past year is gone. and that is just the bottom three (of six) shelves of a very small linen closet. but i see my goal of sheets, towels and blankets on separate shelves becomming a reality. i may even have enough space to put the spare pillows.

i found several of the "lost" pillow cases. it's a heavy laundry day.

p.s. the meds right after i get up are a very good thing
2013, cyd, new

my bathroom my dear

the bathroom closet has been cleaned out, disinfected and refilled with 3 shelves half empty for bathroom stuff, and three empty for sheets and towels with a half shelf shared between washrags and pillow cases. i am so proud of myself.

i did the cat boxes, which is no big chore now that i do it daily. my room is at a state of clean not seen for a while and my clothes are put away. now to the kitchen/laundry portion of my day.

part of this schedule thing is being artistic, setting aside time that is for creating. not for assembling a product, but for full on creation. if the item becomes a product in the future, fine. but i can't make just to sell, it drains me and makes me dread the studio.
2013, cyd, new

for my first trick

my first creative/art activity of the day is fixing the spanikopita filling (the bechamel i made was too runny) and making a huge pan of it and freezing the rest of the filling. because of the way cooking makes me feel, i consider it a creative endeavor. i could one day return to doing it for money, and i hope to, but for now it is free of the "product" label. so it counts as art.

i may even make banana bread. doc wants to do it but he puts all manner of strange (to me) stuff in it and i like my b bread to taste a certain way. plus, he'll eat it either way.