August 28th, 2005

2013, cyd, new

bummer

great, kicked out of cf_hardcore for (i am supposing, i have no correspondence, but this makes the most sense) having been forced to have a baby 16 years ago. feh, i can't complain, i knew my time was short there. i was up front about it, even volunteered to leave, but was left there, so i enjoyed it while i could. bummer there are no other childfree communities worth the time on here.

and i got deleted from a bisexual women's community for god knows what, they accepted me. maybe i was supposed to post some manifesto, i have to admitt, i don't do that. i hate laying things out for people.
2013, cyd, new

see, now oops

i so did not want this to happen, the cf_hardcore mod is pissed that i was there, even though i'd already outed myself, this is so my fault and i am so pissed at myself for not lying or doing it under a different screen name. i left when defriended because it is right. according to the rules.

so i just sent the mod this email:


i've been in the com for a while now, and came out then and offered to
leave. i wasn't taken up on it, so i thought my presence wasn't minded.
i would have never started a thread if i knew you'd been gone and that
is why i was still friended. i'm really sorry.

bummer, yours is the only community worth it, and there is no way in
hell i would saddle myself with creating my own which would be just a
shadow of cf_hardcore anyway.

from another heartless bitch


and i put the heartless bitch in because she mentioned she was, and there is a heartless bitch website and i'm registered on it and stuff, and i was trying to make things better but didn't realize how mad she was and now i'm hoping she doesn't skim it and read that first and get more pissed and . . . jesus fuck i should have left that community as soon as i read the rules all the way through.

little shit like this i just beat myself over the head over. because it is lj and it is avoidable and i can't just know my place in every little piece of the world, i have to push it. i have to try. and now someone has come home from her vacation to this and gotten upset and i so didn't mean for any of it. i wish i had the patience to go back and find where i posted before, to show . . . shit.

edit: and leave it to me to read the comments. okay so fucking humiliating. god why couldn't i have been embarrassed when i first joined and was honest about it and wondered if it was okay? why let it go for months until i feel comfortable. i guess to get a good look at who was just being an asshole to me when they posted . . . how long could they have dragged that out for? why don't i just lie and be a cunt. i get treated like a lying cunt. too bad i can't just be one, it must be fun, you know, for all the pain and nastiness i'd like to get something in return.
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

"childfree is good for people like you"

people like me. i didn't read the email from the cf mod past that sentence. and i didn't reply. i know they are rabid. but i liked some of the discussions. one thing i wish is that they would delete the last post i made that started a dialogue about attatchment parenting, since people are still discussing it in my inbox and i can't respond to it. i though purging post of the offender was par for the course when ejecting them from a community. that is the only thing in the light of the day that bothers me. and just shows how right you guys were.

so moving on, leeloo's paw is almost healed. doctor cyd triumphs! well, actually doc had the most to do with it. he cleans it and checks it. leeloo, who should be running from him has fallen more in love with him. i guess she knows he makes her feel better. she's become way more friendly to us since the paw got bad. but it never got infected.

i'm going to send doc out for chocolate chips. i'm going to make chocolate chip scones like my old chef zach used to make in pittsburgh. i've been wanting scones for so long. i know chocolate chip is kind of a bastardization of the purpose of scones, but it is so-o-o good.
2013, cyd, new

blue foil book

i love this, the idea hit me as i was cleaning, handmade paper embellishments on blue foil and blue duct tape hand bound blank journal. i even made it on cam. i feel so clever.

2013, cyd, new

scones

from the Pooh Cook Book:

Cream Scones
1-1/4 cups sifted all purpose flour
2-1/2 teaspoons double acting baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
3 tablespoons butter
1/2 teaspoon honey or 1 teaspoon sugar
1 large egg
1/4 cup light cream

sift the flour with the baking soda and salt

cut the butter into the flour with a pastry blender or two knives until it looks like coarse meal.

stir the honey or sugar, the egg and cream together, add to flour mixture, beat well but do not overwork.

pat the dough on a floured board

cut in rounds squares or triangles

bake on a cookie sheet for 10 minutes in preheated 400 degree oven

all i have is skim milk, so i'm going to do 1/3 sour cream and 2/3 milk, and add i cup chocolate chips

you can also add a swirl of cinnamon while mixing, and add rasins
2013, cyd, new

hurricane

i'm now convinced that all my hurricane friends are safe and sound in other places. i may be eating my words and hosting many roommates if new orleans really is destroyed, but those i love are safe.

may the same be true for you. all the candles burn for new orleans tonight.
2013, cyd, new

what haunts me this moment

Someone, Somewhere In Summertime - Simple Minds

Stay, I'm burning slow
With me in the rain, walking in the soft rain
Calling out my name
See me burning slow

Brilliant days, wake up on brilliant days
Shadows of brilliant ways will change all the time
Memories, burning gold memories
Gold of day memories change me in these times

Somewhere there is some place, that one million eyes can't see
And somewhere there is someone, who can see what I can see

Someone, Somewhere In Summertime
Someone, Somewhere In Summertime
Someone, Somewhere In Summertime

Moments burn, slow burning golden nights
Once more see city lights, holding candles to the flame
Brilliant days, wake up on brilliant days
Shadows of brilliant ways will change me all the time

Somewhere there is some place, that one million eyes can't see
And somewhere there is someone, who can see what I can see

Someone, Somewhere In Summertime
Someone, Somewhere In Summertime
Someone, Somewhere In Summertime
Someone, Somewhere In Summertime
Someone, Somewhere In Summertime