July 26th, 2005

2013, cyd, new

gratuitous pet pictures

it has become increasingly hard to get good pictures of the cats. they lay in the messy areas, they run from tripods and they know the sound of my digital camera (of course they also believe lightning is the gods way of trying to take pictures of them).

but i got some. starring leeloo solo and hank and jack pairing up for a hat trick of a love duet.

2013, cyd, new

let it go or go with it or something

i'm giving up the fight with my insomnia until i see doc horton and we figure out how to manage it.

i'm just going to sleep when i'm tired and stay up when i'm not. dr. c used to say that as long as i got a certain number of hours a day (5.5) it didn't matter if it was broken up. and i'm not staying up past my sleepiness. even if i'm in the middle of something i'll stop doing it and go to bed.

last night when i was sleepy we went for a swim. the 10 laps (I know, i can't believe it myself!) i did woke me up for several more hours. they are always productive, so i can't bitch. the first thing that goes on me if i'm tired is my head, so i know immediately when i am past my stay upness.

the plants are doing well. the one in here is named robert now, thanks to a friend.

smoking bottles and tea lights are cool. i've built a shrine of my desk with them on the shelves above and on the desk. one candle for karlee, one for kasey. then the one in the window for all my special prayers today. the bottle lets me burn incense near me so doc doesn't get so much of it.

i'm happy. i like happy.

i've stopped playing video games. almost every moment is a productive one. it really is rather strange. but i like it. i could be like this for five years. i said that with the seroquel, and did nearly four on it and this is way better. we keep waiting for a sign i'm going over the edge, because i am just not usually this up kind of person. doc says i used to be. mwsmedia and The Pgh Leslie, did i used to be kind of hyper, always talking, millions of ideas?
2013, cyd, new


i wish the post office was . . . more. i wish three out of four packages didn't arrive damaged. i wish it wasn't so expensive for slow and careless handling.

with so much moving forward, the post office remains. slow, steady, the technological revolution helped them a bit at first. but now it is this huge thing lumbering around. the only one that can do what it does on such a large scale, yet only used if no other way is available.

so the thoughts aren't running so deep this morning. at least they are running. =}
2013, cyd, new


it took me the past four hours to get this out. and it isn't even very long. but it is well thought out, so i'm sharing it with you. feel the poetry love

it would have taken you so little effort
because i was really tuned into you
so maybe i wanted to much in expecting
equal treatment from you
you are a stranger deep down
we've never even met
and i don't know how to do these
electronic friendships and contacts
did i never know how to be part of
your in crowd or did i know inside
and just couldn't bring myself to do it
i'm not sure i don't know don't ask me
that's why i write this all down
if i talk myself in enough circles
i may come through the maze, is how i see it
i wanted you to notice my talent
i wanted you to notice me
and i know it was my expectation
and i know it isn't your fault
but it hurts to be reminded
so i backed away and
stopped myself seeing your thoughts
and words and misplaced affections
i think you are a really neat person
and i believe that you are big hearted
and as loving as you can be
but i can't see me helping you or
having any impact on your life at all
and it makes me sad that i can't touch
everyone who touches my heart and mind
i just don't want the constant reminder
and maybe it's a mom thing
since everything lately revolves around the
woman who spitme out like so much vitriol
the one who eviscerated my self esteem
either way it isn't fair to you, but it
is the way it is it is what it is

edit: i realized after posting and reading it that i could have said this many times since i hooked up with the internet. i guess i was finally hurt for real or something. if you think this is about you, it isn't. don't get all bent.
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

did i mention that the dane, kelli, the one and only kam316: Painter Extraordinaire, is here on livejournal now? much as other people i have introduced this place to, i expect her to grow much more popular than i am, so don't be late with the wagon jumping. she doesn't detail her day. much like in person, she only speaks when she has something worth listening to to say. that can't be said about very many people.