June 13th, 2005

2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

i awoke to "not guilty"
my mom once asked why we didn't go after my father legally
he isn't even famous, but he's worked with kids all his life
i knew it was no use
as long as you're famous
you can throw your wife around
decapitate her and walk
you can abuse random children
and strip their childhoods from them
in the name of your own
and when a dog is dangerous,
lock the child up, you won't be charged
if the drug head renting a room
brings back a child to rape and kill
you may cover for him with no consequence

and it occurs to me that somewhere in these
fucked up cases lay the crucial thing
that would allow my parents to die violent painful deaths
and i would never be punished for it

i don't want to be good
i don't want to be moral
i want to hurt those who hurt me
and in the end i want to be not guilty

i can either hire an african american man of some celebrity to off my family
or i can become a d-list celebrity and do it myself

there must be opportunity here
because i refuse to believe that
these things happen for no reason

there is a clue here
that, if found, could free my sister
and me and my other sister's memory
from the continued survival of our abusers

all the hope is gone
and the rage is here, with all if its furniture
everything i do from here on out
will be to raise my celebrity to the point
where i can kill my family
and free my siste and i to live the rest of our lives
without looking over our shoulders.

because of the potentially incriminating nature of this post, it will self destruct.

why are there no riots?
why aren't young cancer victims taking to the streets?
i'm not much for looting
but i'd be happy to beat the shit out of a few strangers
yell at a few cops
slice my flesh in front of 24 hour news cameras
bleed out on prime time
while screaming the name of my abuser
just because the world loves a spectacle

jackson has a job here waiting for him
i may get my chance yet
the way the cameras follow him
2013, cyd, new

"Cydniey, what have you done?"

and when i'm angry i do stupid things
for example, in the chidfree community that i generally love, i ran across this entry:

It's Finally Ok to Make Fun of Him Again for Other Stuff
Michael Jackson: Not Guilty on All Counts!
From CNN
[insert comment on how now all the psychotic moos who fling molestation accusations like boogers have mixed feelings but no remorse]


to which an angry and unthinking me responded:

dont' forget the psychotic children who make up abuse out of nowhere and how evil that is.

god, how insensitive can you be?

i was a sprog once, i'm not proud of it, but then i'm not proud of losing my virginity to my father the church elder at age five.

thank the gods i was just a psychotic sprog and didn't succeed in taking my abuser away from the church and children he spends his life around.


and now i really hope it just passes on. it wasn't until i hit "send" that i realized i'd just opened the door to a flame war. god i hate how i don't think when i'm angry.

in good news: S brought doc a game for the computer the other night. it has taken several days to figure out the controls, and just now doc figured out how to get out of the elevator!!! he's so cute with his computer on the floor by the bed and him sitting there with his keyboard and mouse.
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

i've been puking non stop
i am so angry i've made myself sick
i've thrown up two doses of my meds
and now am waiting before i try again
i only get so many of the magic seroquel pills
and i can't be yarking them up all the time

the smoking botte i made has been a godsend
i can keep burning incesnse on my desk now
without being strangled by the smoke
i will do everything i can to keep the ones i make
as low cost as possible, every fan of stick incense
deserves to have one of these.
2013, cyd, new

(no subject)

listening to the jurors
maybe they should get together with
the baretta guy's jury
and the oj jury
you can see the sense of getting them all together in the same room

and all those fans. jackson couldn't be bothered to talk to them. nice. travel across the world and the person you are making an ass out of yourselves for doesn't care any more for his fans than he cares for adult men. you are not a victim waiting to happen, so you don't matter.

there were threats of riots if he was found guilty. where are the riots now? where are the children and mothers who have been victimized and haven't lied about it. why are they not in the streets? why are we sitting at our computers bitching instead of banding together in public to express our complete disgust? at what point to we get together in a field and burn jackson paraphrenalia in a huge bonfire? the court has failed, by not even sanctioning the man from seeing children. where were the culture of lifers with their defences of the chil-drun?

in other words: how long are we going to be content over this shit? bitching in a couple of posts and letting it go. a precedent has been set, and now how many children, especially male children will be coming forward about their abuse now? why bother, there is no point. easier to kill because justice will fuck you dry up the ass and never look back no matter what you do.

i'm used to being disgusted with the GOP and the executive brance, but the judicial branch needs some serious reform.
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