I got up this morning and went right back to sleep on the couch. Doc was almost late for work.
Now I’ve taken my meds and I feel all droopy again. I need to make a pot of coffee.
I printed out Doc’s picture for his parents. It’s of he and Chloe. I touched it up a bit and changed the background. Printed out, it looks really good. I’m proud of myself. Especially because I can’t fucking see straight.
Three sedatives first thing in the morning. I guess that says a lot about me. I’m kept sedated throughout the day. Midday is two sedatives. One is for anxiety with drowsiness as a side effect, the other is Xanax. In the morning I take that plus a Seroquel. It’s a wonder I don’t sleep through the entire day. I guess I could, but I hate to do that. I’d rather fight it off with caffeine. So the coffee is brewing and I’m finishing my cola that Doc brought home last night.
I’m chain smoking. I need to stop that. After this cigarette. Hee.
I saw bootlegs of “The Devil Wears Prada” and “Superman Returns”. Both were very disappointing. Superman had too much lois lane drama and the effects, which were great, were lost on the small screen. The Devil was predictable and just plain boring. All the best parts are in the previews that are shown on TV.
I have TV on instead of the CD player and it is much less soothing.
Coffee is done at last. Lots of cream, lots of sugar. Or milk in my case. It’s a hazelnut and vanilla mix of beans. Fresh ground and mixed in with the small amount of regular canned coffee we had, and a half pound of Gevalia hazelnut. It is the nectar of the gods.
I added another two pages to the manuscript. I need to remember more stuff to write down. Though the “coming home” section will be the largest, I want to beef up the other parts with as much description as possible.
I think I’ll be able to break it into short chapters. I’ve been writing things as I remember them and putting them into sections which I noticed could be chapters. Short chapters, but chapters none the less.
I’ve managed to get out of the floppiness of the meds just in time to take the midday dose. Arg. I love coffee. I’ve also managed to pass a couple few hours writing. It feels good to write and to edit and to do something confident. It will be a short book, no more than 50 pages, if that. So at least it will be cheap.
I want to do a podcast of the poetry book I published and I want to do it with this new project, if I can. When I get the computers set up for recording, it will be time. I really want to learn Matt’s processes with self promotion on the web. He’s got all the knowledge and he’s willing to share it with me, I just need to focus. First I need to find out how long a podcast is supposed to be and then record the readings accordingly. Once those are done, I can start broadcasting them.
I’ll also need to redo my website so it reflects me now. The one I have reflects someone else that I don’t know very well anymore. I’m not so into pretending to be glam and I don’t want the cam archives up anymore, not for a while. And when they go up, I want them to be cool and set up individually as digital scrapbook pages.
I need to get online again. I don’t even want to use that computer because I can’t get online and it reminds me just using it. This computer is always online, but I don’t use it much for that. I use this machine for the Sims and writing.
. . . I straightened my hair last night just to see how long it really is and what it looked like straight. Now the back and sides are partly curly and my bangs are stick straight. Once again it is a good thing I don’t go out much. I must look silly. Here in the apartment, I can look however I want to. Or however I happen to.
My temporary dental thing fell out again today. I took it out and cleaned it and put it back in. but I’m afraid to eat anything. It will be weeks before we can go back to the dentist.
I listened to Tori Amos all day yesterday and Alanis Morriset today. Tori was inspiring, but Alanis wasn’t really. So I’m back on ‘Til Tuesday because I do find Aimee Mann very inspirational. I don’t feel like writing a poem or anything but I feel like my brain is being stimulated. She has lyrics that you can think about. And unlike Tori, you can understand what the hell she is saying. And since I have no internet to look up the lyrics, this is an important point. And I did find out that I like Tori, I just don’t like the covers she does. But the music she writes is insightful and brilliant. it’s strange that I’m just finding this out. I’ve had two of her CDs for years and just never listened to them.
It’s after 8, I’ve been on this computer all day. But I did get a lot of writing done. Enough that I’m really just waiting on getting my online journals to get more information for the “coming home” part and add the entries to the manuscript. I can still bulk up the roughly finished parts with details as I remember them, I think the online journals will trigger a lot of memories.