Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

what is the purpose?

to what end am i trying to get better and trying to live?

that is the question i need to answer. it's the one that won't go away. and sometimes i can answer it . . . but mostly it just frustrates me.

i'm sick of being such a downer. i'm much more quiet now. i don't know if i am thinking more, but i'm not saying as much. doc mentioned it last night, how i don't go off on rants anymore. i just haven't felt very ranty. i really haven't felt much of anything.

and i look in my studio workspace at all the things and i feel like it is someone else's space. i feel completely lost in there. maybe if i can remember where my CD player is, i'll hook it up and go into that room and clean it up and make it my own again. that's the plan. provided i find the CD player instead of not finding it and getting frustrated at that.

i need to turn this memory lapse thing into a game. something to make it as engaging as it is challenging.

what i need mostly is not to be so scared. everything seems so daunting. i don't know if a switch was turned off or on, but i know one was thrown. but i don't know if it was the ECT, or something else that just happened around the same time. i guess that is pretty stupid when said out loud or read back. i just need to not be so afraid of everything.

. . . . . . . . the CD player was on my work table. right out in the open. time to challenge myself.
Tags: head case
Subscribe

  • dry hot and dusty as hell

    My last surviving grand parent died a couple of weeks ago. Two days to the hour o my Nana's death, my favorite cat, Boo, died in my arms. The grief…

  • Hey there, hi there, ho there

    I'm back, bitches and bastards, TC paid for a forever pass, I should use it. The cops came over and did a welfare check about a month ago. My…

  • Got Caught Stealing

    Having had yet another clever thing stolen by a bunch of what I have to assume are white middle aged hate macines; The line in my twitter profile…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 1 comment