Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers
cydniey

blew off ECT

i've been sick since i got home. monday was sketchy and today was just too much worse, i had doc call and cancel my ECT this morning. i know it has to do with the fact i've eaten nothing since i got home. but everything sounds icky to me and i get sick working myself up to eat.

in a few days my seroquel will get here and hopefully that will help. though i will have to eat in the meantime somehow or doc will freak right out.

my short term memory is toasted. and i'm really unhappy about it. though i really don't know what to do, other than keep thinking. maybe it will come back now that i'm switching from three times a week to once a month. i really don't know. frankly, i'm scared. that sums it up. and i've probably said all this before and i simply can't remember. i don't know who i am anymore.

i just want these shits to stop and my period to end so i can feel more human. hows that for glamour? i can't think, my body isn't working right and i'm all around ready to scream in frustration and cramping.

and that's about as positive as i can get right now. part of me wonders why i didn't just go back inpatient to finish the treatments.

i don't wish this on anyone, ever. no matter how i hate them, this hell should be reserved for those who piss off the universe in special ways.

god i need to get a grip and i don't know what to grab hold of.
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  • 12 comments

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    My last surviving grand parent died a couple of weeks ago. Two days to the hour o my Nana's death, my favorite cat, Boo, died in my arms. The grief…

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