i did manage to fall out of bed and scrape my knee. see, i have to climb over doc and i just wasn't coordinated enough and i fell over him and off the bed. scared the bejesus out of doc, though. he was sound asleep when it happened and shot straight up in bed.
my main priority is to stay relaxed and not get stressed out over anything. just sit and relax. play the sims, write, do whatever i can to keep busy so i don't think too much and start freaking out. doc won't be home until 8:30. all i have to do until then is keep my shit together and not hurt myself anymore (since i cut my arm last night all the sharp things have gone away). i will get though this.
even if i end up in the hospital in a week and a half when i see my doctor again. but if that is his decision, i won't fight him over it. doc says he'll worry about me. since he won't be able to come and visit, i can see that. but there's a phone. and what am i saying, i'm talking like it's a foregone conclusion and it isn't. if i can pull it together in time i can avoid it.