and this is the time that i tout the wonders of the travel ball. it gets the hamster used to travelling in the open spaces of rooms, so when they manage to escape, they don't go hiding and being difficult, they are usually in the middle of some room, sniffing at something. this is a truth i have found with all of my hamsters. it has also taught her and the cats to be nice, since the ball can run over cats. jack never laid a paw on her. doc searched for scratches, but found nothing but unbroken hamster skin.
i'm sitting here waiting to feel better. i had a long talk with doc yesterday and tried to explain to him how i am feeling and why i can't articulate it better. i tried to explain how hard it is for me to come out and say, "i'm really feeling like offing myself right now, help". partly because i know he can't help and partly because saying things like that puts people into a right panic.
so two weeks from last tuesday, if things have not improved, i am not coming home from my appointment. i have two weeks to snap the hell out of it. pharmaceutically assisted, of course. if not, well, i'm taking my teddy bear, Bernard, and plenty of cigarettes to that appointment. at least i don't have blue hair this time. though since a teddy bear was the focus of the past attack on me, mayhaps i should leave dear Bernard home.
but if things get better, i am free like the wind, baby. today i cracked a joke to doc and smiled. that itself is improvement. all i have to do is keep going up and stop hurting myself. that doesn't seem too hard right now.
and i'm still able to go outside with someone with me and i have been fine with it. i've gone on several errands with R (though i have yet to ride in her new truck) and i have been fine with it. even went into some stores with no problem. so i'm not grounded, which is good, since i am still seeking the holy grail of the social security card. hee.