the coffee table must have particular items organized a particular way. no more. no less.
my glass must always be at least 1/3 full, with an equal ratio of liquid to ice
i will only chew the ice when it gets to a certain size
when he leaves in the morning, we say "i love you". we just do. that is the way it is.
then i watch certain shows.
i can name them from when i get up.
charmed twice, er twice, the news, a repeat of the news and then either the situation room with wolf blitzer, or some soap i was hooked on a couple of few years ago then cable news unti five when a whole new set comes on and that is the way my days are counted it is how i know what time it is. this is why sundays suck. saturdays don't because doc is home and we watch what he wants to watch so my schedule doesn't notice the lack of what i usually have on the TV.
the hamster goes in her ball at a certain time and comes out at a certain time. everything is certainty because so many other things are uncertain.
today my schedule was disrupted early on. from now on i only sleep with the fifth element on the DVD player and i get up when i get up, i don't go back to bed for a couple of hours. and i learned yesterday that coffee is bad in great quantities.
it isn't difficult. it is always the same. there are changes occasionally, like the ER watching is new. but i make the changes.
it is so damn hard to explain.