the cold hard truth of it is that i must replace Boo soon. because he was such a big part of my day and my socializing, the hole he left must be filled. i need to have things stay the same. if not, everything in my world falls apart.
today i will clean and sanitize the cage. i can't keep walking by and seeing his treats in the cage and not want to look for him. at 7 this morning i almost woke doc up because i couldn't find Boo. before that catastrophy, i calmed down and remembered.
i held him for hours, even after he was gone. at midnight, doc started to get worried and made me give up the body. services were brief. we thought of burial in the lawn, but the dogs would just dig it up, since it isn't our lawn, it is the doggie doo area. a landfill burial was deemed appropriate for the situation and doc distracted me with shiny things while he took care of that.
the cats know something is up and one has been stationed with me at all times. it is now leeloo's shift. she is the stay-at-my-feet girl. i love them and their weird sense of knowing a bad vibe, but kitty-underfoot is not the most fun game.
i know i'm a bit over affected with this. but i'm not obsessing at this point, just getting it down so someday i can remember how he opened his eyes near the end and put his paw on my hand as i pet him. i'll want to remember that later, after my own memory has taken it away. each of my rodents are special. that's why i only keep one at a time now, so i can pay enough attention to it that it isn't just a a caged animal, it is a part of our lives and home.
for the upside, i know a lot more about hamster first aid. and i've perfected the ultimate hamster food mix of seed mix and puppy chow with fresh veggies once a week. the cage is new and will be easy to rid of all traces of Boo and the sick. and soon i will have a brand new life to get to know and love and spoil, as i did Boo, and Didi before him and Rattatoulli before her. i detest their short life spans, but there is that up side i mentioned.