doc is patient with me to a fault almost. it takes a lot, still, to trust him when he says i am being irrational or paranoid. because it all seems so real to me in the moment. but he does tell me and he tries to do it gently (unless i'm pushing his buttons, he's human, after all) and i really do try to listen but mostly i just escalate things. and i never know it until it is over and has passed and i'm back to being "me".
i know this is what has gotten me into a lot of trouble in the past. i wonder if there will ever be a point when even in the state of agitation, i will be able to step back from it and see it for what it is.