i don't mean a pair of shoes or a laptop.
i mean things past which can never change.
places you can never go back to.
how do you stop wanting to go back?
how do you stop wanting your nana's loving embrace
from when you were five years old?
how do you let go?
if i could just stop wanting what i can't have . . .
or switch the focus to a pair of shoes or a laptop.
i know things past should stay where they are.
what has happened is and should be.
how do you simply cherish the memories?
how can i walk away from these haunting images
and just take the things i need?
how do i do this?
i've taken a nice long shower and shaved my legs and found i need a new pumice stone like yesterday. i plan to make a pot of coffee and consume at least half before doc wakes up. i have sworn to a stress free day for both doc and i.
he had a bunch of questions about us doing our taxes ourselves. what i couldn't answer last night i looked up online again and i'm ready for him. all i need is the forms. where the hell can i get the forms with the little books? i didn't see them at the post office.
i talked to my nana last night. she has such a full, busy life. she sounds so happy. i wish i could go visit her. maybe i'll take a bus up there and visit at some point this summer. that is, if she has time for visitors. i don't want to crash her groove or anything. but it would be really nice to see her and spend time with her. tag along to the zoo or the museum. once i can get into my "grown up" clothes again.
which leads me to weight loss. monday i am going up to the gym here in the complex. i am going to learn that weight machine and use it until i can't anymore. and i am giving up my lovely strawberry soda. it is the only thing in my diet that could be screwing me up. but the weight machine, i am convinced it is the one thing that i need. i keep seeing stories of women my age or older who have lost their weight with weights. that is the path for me. i'm running out of months until summer and my usual clothes become unbearably uncomfortable for the heat.