i have to get a hold of myself. i can't be freaking out over a bedroom. i can't be freaking out. i'm on my meds, there is no excuse. so why can't i cope? why am i so overwhelmed? did i think there would be a magic something that would make all i own disappear? even though i've thrown away so much there is so much left.
i feel like i am drowning. i tried to take some allergy pills to make me drowsy so i could sleep this off, but i just got more hyper and now i can't sit still at all. i keep going into the closet and coming back out. sometimes doing something or other, mostly not. i'm so tired from walking down to the dumpster and all four of them are full, i am not the only one doing this right now, that is easy to see.
the time passes so fucking slowly and no matter how much i do it seems i have so much further to go. and that nagging feeling from this morning is still with me. i need a xanax. i think i will have one. this has got to go, this feeling, or set of feelings. i don't like them at all.