Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

do you ever just wake up and the world is badly bagged dog shit?

and you have no idea why?

good news bad news: the rash is back and the benadryl triumphs. i may try some of the cream. the allergy pills (the tiny bright ones in my handful of soothing blues and white shapes) seem to have rid me of things i didn't know shouldn't be there. like the uvula thing. having that one little piece of skin hanging down and touching my tongue was affecting everything and though i got annoyed with it a few times, i mostly put it out of my mind. but that is gone.

then i remember back to my allergy tests oh those many years ago during the golden age my dad worked in a cancer hospice and i actually got some medical care occasionally. nothing i reacted strongly to stuffed up my nose or gave me watery eyes. so how am i supposed to know i have allergies? the TV tells me watery eyes and runny nose and, oh yeah, sneezing. didn't have that stuff, didn't have allergies.

but, sisters and brothers i am here to tell you that i have been CURED. my head is clearer, though since it was never stuffed up i don't see how that is, but i'll take it.

i'm starting to wonder if my aversion to the computer lately has any deeper meaning and i think it may. during the worst parts, the better parts and the rare good part of the past 8 years i have hidden in front of the monitor. sometimes playing games, sometimes obsessively refreshing my friends page, even reading the occasional polite spam for contact. and now when i go to my friends page it reminds me of the hour and minute counting and the inability to move away from the screen.

but i guess that is what happens. i've seen it, i've been around lj for a long time. people's lives improve and they never need to "let it out" and the journal goes away or inactive.

i don't see a time i stop using this to document how i am feeling at any given time. i am too attatched to documenting and this is just too convenient.

unfortunately, despite the studio's recent makeover, i have the same feelings about it for now as well.

it's time to go figure out how i am going to turn my mood around today, it's still early.

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