not for nothing

i know it is hard for some people who ever see me as the strong, unkillable survivor to see the latest personal victories i've been crowing about. it is hard to actually face the evidence of just how far i had fallen. but that's okay. shit happens. i'll be stronger at the end of this and even more unstoppable.

to me, who has been on the side not lucky enough to see me primarily through memory, life is more intense and exciting as it has ever been, and i can finally see it getting better. i finally see a reason to live. i'm not sure what the reason specifically is, but something in me is driving me, saying "enough already". sure it's the meds helping, but i choose to take them and i ultimately choose to follow the urges to do things. so my life is very much in my own hands.

and well, yeah. just saying i understand and will be here when people can deal. =}