clinging to a time i associate him with
it all got confused but i couldn't let go
for the longest, truely unending time
i just couldn't let go of him and what
he represented to me of then
and then i am driven to cling to the other
the first and the only in so many memories
and it is all about myself
hanging on to a part of myself
thinking i was less crazy then and
needing to hold on to it, but
but
i was just as crazy back then
i just overestimated the one
and underestimated the other
and totally didn't get a lot of what i do now
so what do i want with this ghost
the haunting has gone from one
to the other in a significant way
and there is nothing i want more
than to upset the balance i have now
just sometimes things tug at me
some things are like that beat up teddy bear
ideas that are nice to snuggle up to
but when you pull away the limp hug
it isn't real, it's just a stuffed thing
that felt real for a moment and you
want to grab a hold of every bear you come upon
until you find the one that feels like that
all the time, and it doesn't work that way
