Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

since my state psych evaluation is on the 20th, doc and i today discussed the possibility that i may have to go inpatient for tests and such. on the governments dime, but it is a possibility. they will almost certainly want the outpatient tests that should have been run when i first started taking heavy duty anti psychotics. PT scans and the like.

worst case scenario, they want to observe me, or maybe change my meds. if they do that they will find out just how crazy i am. i've behaved during my last two hospitilizations for the most part (don't ask about why there are no more plastic knives in the cafeteria), but if they mess with my meds and lock me up to observe me, they are going to see a much different person than who sat across the table from them.

i'm very intelligent and stupid doctors take that for faking. i used to wonder. until the voices started telling me what to do. i really doubted myself until i started seeing people.

it would be so much easier to pretend i am a bitchy psychic, but i can't in good concious do that.

so much will happen before then, the time will fly to it. that's why i wanted to talk about it tonight, and we were on the subject anyway since i cut myself last night quite intentionally. what can i say, the voices sound very logical and reasonable when they happen.
Tags: head case

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