Cydniey Buffers (cydniey) wrote,
Cydniey Buffers

i'm starting to feel more stable. the hallucinations have definitely faded to mere bothersome things. i see dr c on monday. i'll tell him how my month was, all the paranoia and suicidal thinking. all of the hopeless wandering in circles. see what he has to say about it.

it is really the paranoia. that is what fucks me up the most, the fastest. being afraid of things that should not even phase me. obsessively worrying about things i know are stupid (yesterday's fear of the place burning down while we were out was completely misplaced, as i could actually remember there was nothing left burning). it bothers the shit out of me. it makes me disconnect. so no one can hurt me . . . or no one can trigger me to hurt myself. i can't let anyone in when i'm like this. and in fact push everyone away. that is another part of the paranoia i don't like. and how all consuming it can be, yet so subtle.
Tags: head case

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