cydniey

i'm sitting on my bed, watching my tv with its insane volume issue. the boys are waiting on Q to come over and get a couple of movies. i moved into the bedroom because no one wants to explain how i have a working laptop that he fucked up before taking the money from us. none of us wants . . . well, anyone to know our computer savvy, especially M's. enough people use us as it is.

now i'm listening to the DVD full of music i made for this here laptop. relaxing. we've been watching movies all day and i am burnt out on attention span. i've had enough of paying attention for an hour and a half.

our thanksgiving was great. quiet, no fuss. i hope the rest of the holiday season is so easy. the tree is up and the lights outside on the banister are done. we have more lights to put out there. maybe. whatever i can get doc to help me with. he's taller, so the lights should be his domain. but he hates them. i've turned him into an xmas hater. well maybe it's because he hasn't seen his parents for 8 years. kelli mentioned maybe he's afraid he won't want to leave. not something i had thought of. moving back there would suck balls. hell, move them outhere, they have entire communities for the old folks out here. and the desert with constant a/c would beat humid summers and evil winters. but no, that won't happen, we haven't the money.

my ankle is a constant source of pain and wickedness. as soon as i take the brace off, i twist it all over again, the shower was hell. i take it off before bed (the brace, not the ankle), from bed, and i put it on when i wake up before i even set foot on the floor. except today. the ankle was feeling well and i forgot entirely about my brace until i twisted my ankle a bit ago. on went the brace. it's behaving like my other ankle, which had to be operated on to do something with my achilles tendon, i was 15 and don't come close to remembering the surgery, though i do remember something of events while i recovered. i remember removing my cast and my parents bribing me with a huge set of marking pens to get me to go get it put back on. they never paid up. i hold that grudge to this day.

things with doc and i are better but eggshelly, we circle around each other more than we fight. i say this having just had a small fight with him. he wants me to sign his check and i so didn't want to do it, but if he gives permission . . . what can i say? i don't want to miss my therapy today. i really want to go in and update my therapist, it's been months since i've gone to therapy.

here's the rub, i already left a message to cancel, and then all i could do is leave another message not cancelling. and keep trying to get through. hopeless doctors group doesn't generally answer the phone. god, i do the stupidest things. i shouldn't have done anything without consulting doc. damnit. i'll just show up for my appointment and hope all is well.

and i'll write the check. i'm so sick of all the hassle that surrounds everything i do. so much self drama. oy.

ETA: i got that all sorted and only need to come up with 20 bucks.

i just talked to a woman at social security who told me if i get the missing paperwork in very soon, my payments will restart and i won't have to go through the appeals process. i am ever so relieved.

i'm actually typing this on my computer, on my new keyboard. ooooh, how i love this keyboard. it's a soft touch, and i love typing on it.

that being said, i haven't a lot to say.

i'm going to be in trouble with my shrink, and i'm already in trouble with doc. i cut myself with some scissors. when i told doc, at this point he said, "what were you doing?" and i said, "cutting myself with scissors" and after a beat he yells, "oh, on purpose!". this conversation went down while he was at work. and he called me on the way home to make sure i had it bandaged up so he didn't have to see it. i obliged. what was i thinking? i don't know. i do know that it would have been a lot worse if M hadn't come home when he did. and M took me out to get cloves and a slurpee.

i also neosporined the most recently healed wound on my left arm. it isn't healing right. there is all manner of stuff happening just below the scar. blood blisters are forming. it happens on both the left and the right, but the left was worse, it was starting to look fresh.

p.s. i'm not going to the hospital for this one. i'm just going back on my geodon and not fucking with it anymore. i broke like glass this week, while trying the half dose. don't like that. i never knew the geodon was doing so much for me. i really didn't.

p.p.s. i'm still okay. my mind is in a much better place now that i have the social security thing taken care of. when doc gets up, we'll fill out the form, he can sign it and have it in the mail today. this should be taken care of by next month's rent.

okay, and fuck the sincity mods. i just posted a thing about the gallery au go go show. a post about that previously got picked up by a local publication and helped dirk and the gallery. i posted the email announcing it exactly as i got it.

i was told that it wasn't clear what it was about. okay, tell dirk that his emails are unclear.

whatever.

loopy, is this the comm that may have reported you for spamming about the live chat?

i hate to say this, but it was a much better community when carter/beatnikside was the mod. then it was worth reading to the papers here so stuff got promoted.

anyway, if you are interested in gallery au go go here in vegas, dirk has some great shows coming up.

here is dirk vermin's unclear announcement about it, as judged by the mods at sincity:

GALLERY AU GO-GO presents:

Next Show: Spaze Kritters Sat. Aug. 13th
Newcomer Cicifu (member of the 5 Finger Miscount) teams up with "long time heavy hitter" - K.D. Matheson and last year's winner of Best of Show- Jorge Catoni for a collaborative experience in art that you have to see to believe!

Media: Areosol, Acrylics, Fabric pen, Markers, Pastel crayons and Collage on Masonite panels.

opening reception 8pm-midnite - Show runs Aug. 13 - 31

Upcoming events: October - VooDooVegas (halloween Show)
November - Keri Schroeder (single artist show)
December - PussyKat Tattoo Parlor (art show & anniversary party extravaganza)

Gallery Au Go-Go is located at 4972 S. Maryland Pkwy #11 for more info call Dirk at 702-419-5681




fucktards.

really
it opens me up to all the shit that i avoid chat and messaging for
people are such fuckballs