cydniey

henry just puked up his first meal and there was blood in the vomit. that wound is leaking into his stomach . . . shit shit shit shit he could be really sick from it, that could be causing his puking. i have to get to the vet today. i can't believe this is happening. i took a picture of the puke to show the vet. i don't dare feed henry again, i don't know if i should. he's been gagging all morning. we're lucky he kept his pills down. what do i do? i'm so powerless. i have to not freak out right now. i have to keep my head. i have to take a xanax because i am in full panic mode. my kitty is so sick.

henry has a raging infection at his insertion wound. the vet wants to see him immediately.

i'm going to have to ask B for a ride. i feel so shitty about doing that. at least i have money for lunch today.

but henry has a big pocket of puss and blood that oozes out his insertion wound and the vet said it is always bad when there is an infection at the insertion point.

damn. i gave him his anti biotics as directed. i did everything right. why is this happening? henry is showing strength and will and interest in the world around him. his smell is better, we know this because jack was grooming him today. why this infection in an already weak cat? is there no saint for sick cats?

bugger.

today's feedings are going well. the medication stayed down long enough to dissolve and i've fed him 1/3 of what he should have today. this is a record. he is a very tired kitty and is staying in his pen. it's less stressful for him if he doesn't wander and i am not constantly picking him up and moving him around. i think the medication makes him sleepy. i need to install acrobat so i can read the PDF files on the site i found.

everyone survived my PMS this time around, and now i know why i was so emotional about henry. i'm thinking more clearly now and he is doing better.

B gave me a ride to the vet!!

and i got the pills down henry with only one bleeding wound. i'm getting better at this.

he got marin and denosyl to help his liver function. and i paid enough to get the bill below $500. not by much, but it's a milestone. i wonder how much this whole thing is going to cost us. if these pills help and he keeps keeping down his food, the cost of food should be our only expense from here on out.

and now i know we are doing everything possible to get henry better.

it occured to me that doc may not trust me alone with henry. so i had him watch me this morning and how i handled medicine giving and feeding and such. put his mind at rest that his boy is getting the best care possible. and i so want to be trusted with this. because i am more than capable, i have learned. the hell of the first day has worn off, like i knew it would, and things have settled into a routine.

and i'm learning a lot about henry. even though he is sleepy cat most of the time right now, when he wakes up fully, his personality is still there to shine through.

and with this new medication treatment, i'm feeling much more positive than i was last night, even before i started freaking out about henry's state of exhaustion.

i've been giving him more fluids, since the vet said henry was dehydrated still. he drinks water, just not enough. so when i'm feeding him, i give him a little boost of water. above and beyond flushing out the tube before and after. i also give him some by mouth, by letting him chew on the tip of the mega syringe we water him with and squirt it slowly into his mouth and he takes it.

he's also reacting well to the nutri cal. which i think will do some good and the vet said it coudln't hurt if we really wanted to give it to him.

so things are looking much more up again, like i was hoping they would yesterday. there is always hope. i'm falling in love with hope.

i should be keeping a tally of this, though i get reciepts that do that . . .

i just talked to the vet. another vet in the hospital had a hard case like henry and special ordered two medications that help boost liver function and clear up the jaundice, respectively. the other vet had leftovers, so our vet wants to put henry on them, at the low price of $60.

so now i have to get to the vet today and i have no idea how that is going to happen yet. any volunteers? i have to get there sometime before 6 pm. and i don't have to take the cat, i'm just going in, getting the medication, paying for it and putting $40 towards the overall bill.

these medications are meant to help him get better much faster. and since he is tolerating his antibiotics and reglan, i can easily give him another couple of medications a day. it isn't a nice process, but it works and i only need band aids on two of my fingers from the bites.

he's got this crocodile quickness with the twisting of his head . . . sporting. much more energy today.

he just walked me (he gets up and i follow) into his pen and lay down. i made sure his water was full and left him there to rest before i feed him in 15 or so minutes.

but hey, i got henry's reglan pill down him. it was worth it.

so we went to the vet yesterday. he took an xray to make sure the tube was positioned in the right place, it was.

then he changed the food and told me to discontinue the vitamin k. instead i have antibiotics to give to henry. that ought to be fun. oral liquid.

then we (mostly the vet) decided to start the treatment over. starting with one can yesterday, one and a half today and so on.

the visit was $79, of which i had $20. i had more, but i needed to spend it on cat food and litter and nutri cal paste at the pet store. so the visit got added to our bill.

since we started logging henry's feedings and the results (vomit or no vomit), things look much more hopeful. he is keeping down more and more food. the vomiting seems random. sometimes we give him 20ccs and he's okay with it, sometimes he pukes after 5 ccs. but he isn't doing it as often as he was. this makes me so happy.

it was really hard to see the frustration on the vet's face. he just didn't know what to tell me.

i asked him straight out if henry was in pain. he said no. i believe him. discomfort, yes, but not pain.

okay then, it is up to us to continue treatment. no problem.

the other cat that was in the vet's at the same time as henry, that had the same problem is doing very well now, he told me. henry should come about soon.

i also got to see henry show some energy. he was not happy about being at the vet's but he perked up and looked around and mewed at me. then, when we went into the exam room and i put him out on the table, i hugged him and he tucked his head under my arm and we just sat there like that until the vet came in. it wsa so sweet.

so much of my time with henry is clinical. i've been feeding and cleaning and not taking the time to just love on him and pet him. he purrs whenever we are near him. even during the feedings.

and i had a nice time with B. he took me to the vet and the pet store and then we went to wendys for some dinner. then he came back and hung out with us for a while. i forget how nice it is to interact with people, holed up here by my own choice. it was cool to talk to someone and joke with him.

now i'm passing time, waiting for the pill to dissolve in henry's tummy so i can feed him.

B is taking me to the vet. he is such a guardian angel.

i've got henry's feeding schedule written down, along with his med and vomit schedules. so i can show the vet we are trying but the vomit is winning.

plus i have a couple of products to ask him about. and we're going to the pet store after so i can get food and litter for the other cats and hopefully some supplements for henry.

the "vita cal" and "nutri cal" that i've been told about by you guys, seems to be just what we need. it looks like it will be a mess to feed him, as violently opposed to touching his mouth he is. but if a little bit helps, and we can get a little bit down him, then we're on our way.

he took a humongous dookie last night, so we know we're doing something right. it isn't all coming up after meals, something is getting in to nourish him.

everything blurs together. feeding. cleaning. petting. feeding. cleaning. petting.

doc was brilliant to start writing stuff down. it will help me focus and stay anchored in reality, not surfing through the blur of time like i have been.

i need to make a chart and keep it on the fridge. i can't remember when i've fed henry. i guess because he's only thrown up once today i just lost count. but i know it was often. i took an hour nap on the sofa and gave him his pill when i woke up. then i waited 45 minutes and fed him. then another 45 and fed him again. he's due in a couple of minutes. i just can't remember how many times i've fed him.

i have to find out if there is something more concentrated than the food we are giving him, since he will only keep down so much.

i still don't know how i'm going to get him to the vet tomorrow. i can't take him on the bus. and he needs to be seen, he needs to have more bloodwork done to see if what we're doing is working. and i have questions for the vet.

why is the neck wound constantly weeping?
is it okay that he pulled out a couple of his support stitches?
is there a more concentrated food for him?
can we just give him the vitamin k instead of trying to empty the tiny capsule of viscous yellow fluid into his food?
is it okay to give him a bath if we keep the insertion wound free of water?

things like this that i always forget about when he calls.

henry just threw up again. i feel like such a failure when he throws up, i am really taking this personally and like doc suggested, i need to not do that.

10cc every 45 minutes. so far this morning, so good.

he was really perky and onery last night. he wouldn't stay with me and chose to roam around the living room, even taking a nap laying in the middle of the floor instead of hiding under the chair.

and he made dookie twice. that is a really good sign because it means that even though the vomit is still active, he is getting food, enough to have waste.

i'll keep up the slow feedings. i fear having to give him his pill at 5, but i'll do it.

i have to somehow get him to the vet tomorrow for a check up and more food. i'm going to have to ask a friend. but i only have one that drives and i just asked him. god i hate not having a driver's liscense.

the vet gave us something called reglan for henry's vomitting. we've given him his first dose and followed an hour later with a feeding. we'll see how this works. if it works, things will be smooth sailing. feedings will be so much easier without the intensive clean up. that sounds selfish. henry will get better faster.

tonight he is holding his head up on his own and he looked up and met my eyes. and not in a sad, sulky way, but full on eye contact. it made me happy to the point of giddy.

doc fed henry with success last night and this morning. i just tried and got the tell tale licking of the lips that signals impending vomit. so i flushed the tube with water and left the cat alone.

we're watching him extra carefully because his tshirt is being washed so his feeding tube is dangling more than usual. he's on my toolbox on the porch. feeding tube facing out so i can keep an eye on it.

the hopeful things of today, he got up from napping on his own and went outside to nap more. usually we have to wake him for a feeding but today he got up on his own in between feedings. he has also been more responsive to sound today. and he went dookie in the litterbox, which the vet assured me is a good thing.

doc is out running errands and going to the vet's. i can't wait until he gets home so we can hopefully get henry's feeding back on track.

i talked to the vet. when doc goes in to make a payment, he is picking up new medicine to stop the vomiting.

doc is feeding henry now.

the vet said we could feed him less but it wouldn't benefit him as much or maybe not at all. but we don't know how much henry ate before. enough to be a fat cat. so i guess the 2 cans a day isn't unreasonable. we just need to keep it in him.

i have vomit spots from the overnight shift that i need to go clean.

it is all about the glamour here.

the carpet is clean and i am calmer. the more he throws up, the more i will feed him. i will get two cans into him if it takes me all night. he's in his pen now, where he seems most relaxed. he purred through the last feeding. he's getting something into him because he is using the litterbox. so there are no blockages that may have caused this to happen in the first place.

and how and when did it happen? either during/after the dog food mistake, which i doubt, he would be much sicker. or it was when i put the food dish near the indoor covered litterbox. that also coincides with about how long he was sick. when we first discovered it, there were no signs of jaundice yet. it was in the three days until we could get him to the vet that it developed.

he's lost a lot of weight, but hasn't lost his robustness, which made it even harder to tell. it wasn't until i picked him up and noticed he was much lighter that i thought something might be wrong.

so it isn't like we neglected him in any way. i wish i could convince doc of it, but as i've said, since henry came home, doc has been coping with the illness much better. he doesn't like to be out of control. i know it kills him to have to go to work and leave me home. that is part of why i'm so stressed out that henry isn't keeping down anything i feed him. i want to do this right for henry and to prove to myself i can do it. i can do it. i am doing it.

time for another feeding. i'll keep him in his pen this evening and maybe he will stay calmer and not throw up.

okay, i'm trying 30cc feedings at 1cc per minute to minute and a half. i'm also heating the food a bit more.

i need to give him time to digest, but i'm almost continually feeding him with about a half an hour in between. i tried giving it more time, but that didn't work.

he just wants to be anywhere i'm hot. he puked under his chair so he's hanging out on the porch and i'm going to have to go out and drag him in again to feed him in a few minutes. he gets no peace.

the one thing that is working is cuddling while feeding. it keeps him still. he wants to jump up in the middle of his feedings. it is the only energy he shows.

last night he broke out of his pen and was under the chair this morning. i can't help but think that jack had a paw or two in that adventure. he doesn't like henry behind bars. it really annoys him for some reason.

i've read a few pages on vomiting with feeding tubes. gotten some good advice. i also found out there is a drug that might help him keep the food down. so when i call the vet tomorrow, if we're still having this problem, i'll ask about that drug. we have to go back up there to pay them some. and get more food.

i don't know where we are going to pull rent out of. i need to start plugging the ebay stuff on seller communities. and here, as well. it is always a good time to get gifties in the fall. never too early to shop for the holidays.

two feedings done. he seems calm. he's under the chair. if i keep this up without him vomitting, then i'll be able to get two cans into him today. that will do his liver good.

feeding while cuddling is the best, i've found. he doesn't try to walk away, he just dozes through the feeding. as it should be.

and he responded to my petting him while he was under the chair before his last feeding. i was petting his side and he half rolled over to offer me part of his tummy, which is still fat. that was a total "awww" moment.

i'm going to get this cat better. i can get this cat better. that's all there is to it.

i've noticed he thows up more when doc feeds him. so even though doc is off tomorrow, i think i'll keep to my feeding duties. he can do other things.

i'm worn out. it's only been a day of caring for him. i'm worried about the amount of food going in vs. the amount of food coming out. i'm afraid i won't do it right and he will die. i need to calm down.

i know i just have to get used to it. and do the best i can.

i stopped watering down the food so much. so i don't have to give him so much.

i took his little tshirt off, but it made the tube flail around, so the tshirt went back on. tonight we'll take it off and brush him down and wash the shirt.

his incision is crusty (ew) but not infected at all.

he still isn't at all perky, i blame that on the not enough food thing. i don't know when i'm petting him if he likes it. but he always liked me to pet him before he got sick, so maybe he does like it. i fed him while cuddling him this morning. i'll feed him again in 45 minutes.

cross your fingers. i've gotten half a can into henry so far today and no puking thus far. here's to no more puking!

i posted a new audio blog about henry and thoughts of motherhood at http://fabulousdisaster.com/wordpress/. it's the longest piece i have done, so expect buffering!

i'm watching one of the candles i made to see if it will burn nicely. it isn't burning down the center, which is my fault, i left a little slack in the wick so it bends slightly. as long as it doesn't spill wax all over the place it will be a success. those aren't high standards in a candle, just basic politeness, i think. hee.

i'm going to document henry's recovery in pictures. doc was against it at first, but i told him that the photos i've been sent of other cats recovering have helped immensely.

so here's the casual shot of the day


and behind the cut (for the grossness factor) is a picture of his tube insertion owie
( back here )

henry sporting a fashionable tshirt bandage, post op, after feeding tube insertion. you can see where it is stitched to his shaved neck. he is one grumpy kitty.

when we finally let him off the couch and onto the floor, leeloo attacked him viciously. i don't know what we're going to do about that.

we only have (HA) $776 to pay off his bill. what's a few more weeks without money? nothing. not compared to having my baby boy back.

i have to go hug him now before doc beds him down for the night in his room.