cydniey

i had a 2pm appointment with the dentist
they called me and woke me at ten, could i come in earlier?
i said, sure, 1pm fine? sure, they said
i woke up fully and called them and said i could make it at noon
they said that would be fine and i got my shit together
keys, mp3 player, off i go at 11 to walk there by noon
i get there at 11:30, they were thrilled
i think they were looking at half a day off
they tried on my machinery, told me not to bite down hard
the teeth were stuck in it with wax
the teeth were a perfect color match to my own, what few were left
then they said they'd call me when the finished machinery came in
i said okay and then they told me that someone was waiting for me
i looked out the window and M was sitting in his car
relieved i wouldn't have to walk home in the heat, i jumped in the car
and i totally forgot the prescription for lortab to keep my still bad
bottom teeth in line, M turned around and i secured the script
the we went to get it filled and get me a couple of teas
arizona raspberry iced teas, two of them
then we ran some errands and i told M that i was looking at
speaking with a lisp once the machinery was put in
while i was wearing it. i could take it out to do podcasts
which i plan to do, along with all the other things i plan to do
i don't perform live anymore so that won't be a problem
and that is the ongoing story of the machinery for my mouth.

i'm still counting days sober, but i quit NA.
not much has changed since, long walk in the heat gone
judgemental group of people, gone
feeling of extreme isolation in meeting, gone
and i tried, i read parts at the meetings
i shared at the meetings
i even lit the candles when it was time at the meetings
spent $5 a week in the basket
had one relapse and admitted to it
collected my keytags, which is what they gave out for days sober
but the walk uphill with a hat on my head making me sweat
and the walk uphill in 104 degrees
by the time i recover from it, the meeting is over
and i'm back in the heat for the downhill long walk home
whatever it takes to deal with the whole thing,
i don't have it, so i've given it up.
i still have the books
i still have the steps
i have the exercises from rehab
i have all i need except transportation to meetings
and a sponsor, i never did get a sponsor.
that was hard because of my psychiatric problems
at least that's what the sponsor-to-be told me
so i said 'fuck it' and quit.
if i want to feel that uncomfortable,
i'll buy a dress and go back to the mormons.

i wish someone would remove my joints and a few of my muscles. due to a mailing error i've run out of the medication that stops the side effects of the other medication. i feel like i can't move or i'll break something. i know i won't, it's just a feeling i've got with this epic soreness. i told doc it was no big deal. and after the tylenol kicks in, i'll forget all about it.

the rain has left us and we are blue sky, i mean really blue sky and chilly temperatures. this is the reason i moved here. no clouds constantly or snow that shuts down everything. just blue sky forever. i loved the rain because we needed it but i'm glad it's over.

i have to find a new shrink. i think i'll call the mental health line my insurance has and see if i can't find a close doctor who can see me in a month or two at the most. i get to find a dentist and get rid of this jack o' lantern smile of mine. i want teeth again. i hate going out or talking to people, this has been a real hit to my pride and my self esteem. and being scared by that dentist was the best thing to happen to me. through a clause in the dental policy, since i didn't incur any bills (the one appointment i went to i got billed for because the insurance denied it) on the crappy plan, we can upgrade to the good plan. the one where i have to pay for part of my bill, but have all dental options open to me. that starts in january. can't come soon enough.

i'm not used to Rose's keyboard, it's the compact size and makes for many hilarious jokes, but not so good at what i want to say and how i want it spelled. i will win this battle.

i have a small metal rod inserted into my tooth canal way back when and it isn't anymore, it's out and bare and keeps eyeing my tongue. my tongue is smart and isn't falling for that. two and a half more months. once i know the bad insurance is gone and the good insurance is ready to go, i'm doing whatever i have to to find a dentist and get to the office.

doc and i should both go to the eye doctor and he needs to have his knee seen. these are things that can be done now to improve our lives.

Zombie Vomit - Dentist